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Post by aaron on Feb 25, 2014 18:10:57 GMT -9
Temporum Oblitus banner art Good ? Bad? Ugly? ... never mind if it's ugly I don't want to know!!
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Post by cowboyleland on Feb 25, 2014 19:28:11 GMT -9
Hi Aaron,
You know I like your art and concepts but . . .
For what it is worth: The Free Frontier panel is hard to "read" because the blade is blocking the view of some complicated folds and layers so I can't understand what she is supposed to be wearing. Pants? skirt?
The other panels are much clearer but I'm not sure it is a good choice to have them all facing "stage left." It kind of sends all their energy off into the wings.
Maybe you could arrange them in kind of a pentagon and let some of them face each other so their is conflict between them? Just my 2 cents
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Post by dungeonmistress on Feb 25, 2014 20:39:07 GMT -9
Hey, those are beautiful! Love your art work. Cowboyleland, my husband zeroed in on the same thing! ("Can't see what's behind the blade!") Men! I think she's fine. I agree about having them all face the same direction. Perhaps you could do mirror images of some of them, just to mix it up a bit?
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Post by aaron on Feb 26, 2014 3:25:42 GMT -9
Thanks for the input Ill give it a good shuffle and see if I can't mix it up a bit LOL Molly is the red head ... she wouldn't let you get close enough to find out what's under the sword anyway LOL 8p
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Post by Brave Adventures on Feb 26, 2014 3:50:28 GMT -9
Looks good! I really like your art style.
Is the Ruskin really that much bigger than the others? I mean, are they to-scale to each other?
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Post by aaron on Feb 26, 2014 4:03:59 GMT -9
No the Ruskins aren't that much bigger or smaller than the others ... I was just noticing that as well .... hummm and actually Obbs are kind of smaller than regular people? ya I'll be fixing that !! thanks for pointing it out. in the mean time I shuffled them up a bit does this look better? also this is molly
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Post by migibb on Feb 26, 2014 4:16:32 GMT -9
I hadn't noticed about the Ruskin being bigger until @brave Adventures highlighted it. Now I can't stop thinking about Futurama's giant Amazon women..... Gives the faction a whole different feel to me!
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Post by aaron on Feb 26, 2014 5:44:29 GMT -9
LOL hummmm all the possibilities !! ... ya I think I will just resize her a bit instead and here we are mixed up and resized ... Better? I think so ....
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Post by dungeonmistress on Feb 26, 2014 7:55:23 GMT -9
Could you change the color of the cloth draping the front of Molly's skirt*? It gets lost in the background color making it look like her skirt is way shorter than it actually is, leaving almost nothing to the imagination! *My husband would shoot me for pointing this out to you. Again I say " MEN!"
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Post by aaron on Feb 26, 2014 11:19:15 GMT -9
LOL well he doesn't' have to be too embarrassed it's always good to get a female perspective on things and my wife is constantly telling me that outfit is too tight or revealing and I need to fix it and my daughter likes to point out that I would never let her walk out of the house like that so why is it ok for the ladies in your comics and games... usually followed by a hu hu?? usually the thing that gets me to change outfits though is when my son says "dad do you really want to see an overweight kid wearing that at a comic con ?" I'm like .....yaaaa no no I don't. anyway in this case though I don't see what you mean? not because you're probably not right I just don't see it? soooo maybe if I give you some background on molly you can tell me what needs to change so she doesn't look like a hoochie... sooo here's the making Molly McDrummin ( yes that's really her name LOL ) Molly is the unofficial leader / president/ ruler ....I don't know what you would call her .... anyway she leads the Free Frontier in that people listen to her and do what their told. The Free Frontier is a bunch of Pirate covens, thieves guilds, highwaymen and genuine ne'er do wells that were all outcasts and exiles from their own nations... banished to the frontier to die. Like Australia only no Kangaroos ... which is something I should think about because Kangaroos are awesome! Well like Australia they learned to survive and eventually thrive created a very odd culture, anyway they were content to fight among themselves and prey on the Ruskins and outlining territories really just being a nuisance more than anything. When the Core of Humanity Launched it's great crusade to Crush all mankind under their boot of doom it was a young Pirate commodore named David McDrummin was able to unify the Frontier to become a loose nation and for the first time they stopped being thieves and thugs and started working together to fight for their freedom ! He sent his Daughter Molly to gather the frontier while he went to the edge of the frontier to a small fort called New hope, the first colony in the frontier to hold off the Core until they could get there. From Owens landing and Mercari they came by the thousands only by the time the Frontier militia could get their the battle was all but lost (sort of like the Alamo) only with a slightly happier ending ... and New Hope's name was changed to Lost hope. Molly found her father dead on the battlements his sword still in his hand. She still carries his sword along with some of his other possessions. The Free Frontier made their first stand at Lost Hope and continues to stand against all encroachers lead by the now Infamous Molly Mc Drummin here's a Map of the Free Frontier so you will know kind of what I'm talking about. hope this helps .... was it overkill? LOL
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Post by mesper on Feb 26, 2014 12:10:53 GMT -9
As tittle font issue was already mentioned I'll point out some minor issues:
Emblems How about making "emblems/faction signs/talismans" (these round thingies above figurines heads) more equal in size and then align them? If these talismans are important for the storytelling and game, then I'd consider adding some light around them or shine in order to make them more bold/noticeable.
Bordering Borders around the panels are different. If there is some reason behind this then it should be more clear/recognizable. So IMHO either make borders exactly the same with perhaps only colour differences or make all these distinctive according to faction/character/figurine role
Light source Last but not least - light source and shadows between panels. As it is now it looks as there are couple sources of light?
I hope that helps a bit.
--- PS. I like very much background, its kinda hand painted with classic brushes - really great work here!
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Post by cowboyleland on Feb 26, 2014 16:23:03 GMT -9
They do look much better mixed up and scaled. I think you might like a little more contrast between the green guy and his background, especially around his face, his nose is getting a little lost.
My note on "Molly" was that because of the way the blade was in front and the image was cropped, there were a lot of lines that I didn't know what they meant. Turns out that gold rectangle is the top of her boot, but I couldn't really tell. Turns out she is wearing a skirt with an angled hem, I had guessed she had torn a hole in the thigh of her pants but I wasn't sure.
I don't know exactly how to fix it, but I would suggest you don't want your first impression to be that you draw pictures that are unclear or hard to interpret.
It is also a bit odd that only one out of the five "promo" shots is face on. It kind of makes me want to read meaning into the difference. I'd be tempted to make one of the others face front, or throw in a 3/4 for more variety.
Feel free to ignore anything I say!
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Post by aaron on Feb 26, 2014 18:24:29 GMT -9
No way I think all this is very valuable. I didn't even think about that but your kind of right it does create an awkward flow. hummmmm how to fix it? well I think Molly will have to have a new pose LOL
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Post by dungeonmistress on Feb 26, 2014 21:32:14 GMT -9
Molly sounds like my kind of gal. As to what I am on about with her skirt, turns out it's the blue sash. Being the same color as the background, it looks like it is the background and all Molly's secrets will be given away if she moves that sword! Ooops!
I agree the background colors and hand painted, almost smoky effect are gorgeous, but the green background should go either lighter or darker so the green guy doesn't get lost. Also the symbols should be the same size and the borders should be the same type, but in corresponding colors. (my vote goes to the border type around Molly, with it's almost metallic look - that's sharp and simple, doesn't detract from your art.
Let's see...the harpy lady? (4th from the left) Is she in scale with the others? She still looks kind of big to me, or it that just me?
Great work! Very impressive.
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Post by WackyAnne on Feb 27, 2014 0:33:09 GMT -9
I think if Molly were in the middle, with the others arrayed around her facing inwards, it would improve the currently awkward flow/dynamic. Having some face outwards wastes the energy that should be focused in their conflict. And yes, resizing the logos to match each other, and the minis to scale, would (IMHMO) improve things. But already a terrific start, and I REALLY love the backstory and detail. Compelling stuff!
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Post by aaron on Feb 27, 2014 3:56:30 GMT -9
Thank you all very much I love your Ideas ! I'm going to work on implementing them today so hopefully I will have something to show for it. The back story is SOOO big it takes about 2 hours to tell the whole thing without to much detail. I wanted to create not just a game but a world that people could immerse themselves in. The reason they are arranged the way they are is because there is a bit of a blood feud between the Free Frontier and the Core of Humanity, The Obbs and Ruskins Hate each other the most and the Source wants to kill everyone equally. So maybe the crawler should be facing forward LOL Sometimes on rare occasions the Ruskins will Ally with the Free Frontier ( only in dire need ) and the Obbs will on the off rare occasion help the Core of Humanity because it's easier to let the core wipe out all the other groups of mankind then the obbs can swoop in a finish them all off once and for all. If the game goes well then there are three more races that will be added to the roster in an expansion. It's already half done. If the game does badly then it will become open source and I will add the races anyway in my spare time.
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Post by cowboyleland on Feb 27, 2014 4:48:43 GMT -9
This is a rare case where I feel I have to disagree with WackyAnne. I'm afraid if you put the one front facing figure in the middle with the others facing in it will give the impression of a story about one against all the rest. I think, for a well balanced game, you want players to be free to choose their favourite faction.
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Post by aaron on Feb 27, 2014 5:37:30 GMT -9
I think your right Cowboy. As Much as Molly is a very cool character she's not the main character by any means and all the other factions have heros and villans that are just as interesting ... I hope .... so molly should be facing to one side or they should all be facing forward. ... I don't think I have any forward facing Obbs??? humm I shall have to review that? which do you think better all facing forward or looking to one side or the other? rather than posting again I'll just edit this one ... ok so I was re-doing the banner using everyones advice and as I was going My son said " those are book marks right, that's what your doing your making book marks , those should be book marks..." it came out in one breath and I think it's the most he's talked to me in hours soooo I made them book marks to share with the world LOL ok so it was a complete re-do but draft 2 is better right?
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Post by dungeonmistress on Feb 27, 2014 16:12:41 GMT -9
Your back story for Molly makes me want to play this game!
The emblems are perfect. The backgrounds now show off the characters to advantage(Molly's sash is now identifiable), But the order... Well, this is what I would do: Move the Source figure to the far left next to the Core of Humanity(red and purple compliment each other nicely)and turn the Ruskin to face left and leave her(?)in the far right position. Instead of having them in the far right and far left positions, move them in so that they are in the #2 & #4 positions. Leave the rest facing forward.
Just my thoughts.
Your work is beautiful.
DM
BTW: Love the book marks! Thanks! I will put them to good use.
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Post by aaron on Feb 28, 2014 6:36:29 GMT -9
Glad you like the bookmarks it was my sons idea LOL ok so the placement of them is strictly alphabetical though now that you mention the color layout honestly I kind of like the colors to clash a bit so as to draw a visual conflict between the factions. The Ruskins are based loosely on Comanche Native Americans. they have a pantheon of gods that they worship and depending on which tribe there are rituals for just about everything. both the men and the women have long hair as a sign of respect for their maine god that they all worship. some of the tribes have arm wrappings that are soaked in a sacred pool and if the warrior is killed it is said they will bind his soul it can be carried to heaven. Though not all the Ruskins buy into this practice. as with any large nation there is some fractious in fighting and political intrigue but all in all they get along with themselves pretty well. the other thing you will see is they all wear a mask when they go to war. Only Kree who is the God of destruction is allowed to take life. when they go to war they wear the mask so they are allowed to carry the essence of Kree. this allows them to kill their enemies it's the mask of Kree If they loose their mask they will paint their faces with mud or their own blood if they have to and use the markings of kree which covers the face. The Guy you see in this image is Oktey ( sounds almost like ok ) it means one who kills many. He's the little brother and right hand guy of Palanor who is a Tribal leader of the Lich'Anee ( meaning place of many people ). Paloanor supposedly went on an "inner quest" it's like a spirit journey and he had visions of the coming threats and the need to unify his people under one banner though oddly enough it's not his. Naturally many of the tribes resisted his idea but he remains persistent in his ideology. Oktey is the leader of the Brawlers,a sort of captain and trainer if you will, they have special skills to get into close combat quickly and hit hard! His job is to patrol the border along his tribal nation and keep the peace. and of course the south west part of his nation lies on the Frontier which is full of Pirates, and bandits so he has a tough job. His family worries for him and though you can't see it in this picture he wears a charm necklace given to him by his wife which carries a charm for each of his 3 children. ( these are the kids of deatails I put into Temporum Oblitus ) now you can see why it's taking so long. here's a map of the Ruskin Nation so you can see what I'm talking about .... the other guy is Dunkin Priest, He's a commander and hero of the Core of Humanity. his story is equally long and twisted. even the Obb has a name and a back story. each army has about 4 to 6 heros to choose from and there is a hero rule in the game where if one of your units does something spectacular in the game they become a Hero and you can name them, adding your own back story with a list of bonuses and point values you can add. Though I assume that will be few and far between in use, it will drive some people to take risks and do bold things because the rewards are worth it.
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Post by dungeonmistress on Feb 28, 2014 7:37:56 GMT -9
Now I know what is different. It's the brown background, it wasn't brown before, right? The character in that panel kind of gets lost, especially next to that beautiful and intense purple. That's why I was talking about moving the purple. But, instead, maybe if the brown were a little lighter (perhaps more of a golden brown)? That's all I was thinking about.
Your work is so vibrant and beautiful, I hate to see any of it get 'lost' because of placement or color tone.
The more I hear of your stories the more I want to hear! You spin a good yarn!
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Post by cowboyleland on Feb 28, 2014 8:31:04 GMT -9
Could you go back to the greyish blue instead of the brown? Then it would totally rock, really.
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Post by aaron on Feb 28, 2014 12:25:09 GMT -9
I thought the brown leather background would suit the Ruskins better ? maybe If I change the character ? one that Isn't so brown?
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Post by dungeonmistress on Feb 28, 2014 13:17:06 GMT -9
The brown is a good background for the Rushkin, just lighten it a bit to show her off more.
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Post by WackyAnne on Mar 1, 2014 6:30:55 GMT -9
I'm blown away by the new banner! It looks terrific! _maybe_ a little less brown for the Ruskin, so that it better holds its own against the purer hues of the others. Sorry about my earlier error, I put design over story in a too-quick comment. Consider my wrist slapped
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Post by aaron on Mar 1, 2014 7:34:02 GMT -9
No worries Ann no wrist slapping necessary as you were only thinking about the image with the tools you were given and honestly it wasn't a bad idea! I'm really glad you like the new banner ! ok so here it is with the brown lighter ... I don't know I think it kind of loses something don't you guys?
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Post by dungeonmistress on Mar 1, 2014 10:32:08 GMT -9
Wow! I like the brown now, the Ruskin shows up much better now and nothing is lost. Now, I'm a purple girl, it's my favorite color, but your Source creature is blending into the background, is that intentional? If so, then, BINGO! To my mind you got it! If not then, look through your earlier versions, I seem to remember that you had one with a lighter shade of purple. I think that would work, too.
Really gorgeous!
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Post by aaron on Mar 1, 2014 13:27:42 GMT -9
Nope the Source is all stealthy and well just dangerous. Their what happens when Hate and greed are left unchecked and then develops a mind of it's own. The Core of Humanity made robots to wipe out the Free Frontier ( it almost worked ) until the Frontier Scrappers captured a few re-programed them and sent them back. this continued through several series of Robots until somehow one of those robots started thinking for itself. That robot started sending out signals that re-re-programed all the other robots and that one Robot became the source for all the others. No one has ever seen it and lived to tell about it so no one knows what it looks like but , soon the black factories started popping up in the deep deserts and they started building themselves. Only the new robots (though connected to the source ) could think for themselves. Instead of killing one enemy the Source are bent on wiping out all mankind, including the Obbs. The hard part with them is when one of the source sees something they all see it but cutting them off from the central mind doesn't deter them or even slow them down it just cuts off their communication with everyone else. In this map the black area is owned by the Source, the red is the Core of Humanity , green is the Obbs and the rest you should recognise ... the uncharted areas are unknown to the races in the game but are in fact the expansions waiting to happen ! ... and the oceans are a fleet game I haven't exactly started just yet it's the next game in the Temporum Oblitus world! here's some of the units for the Source !
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Post by dungeonmistress on Mar 1, 2014 14:28:15 GMT -9
I am blown away - and not just because it's really windy here.
The Source look like they have some organic components to them, Do they?
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Post by aaron on Mar 1, 2014 19:01:25 GMT -9
They do have some but it's more silicone and what not the tendrils are actually hyper sensors and the horns are antennas to receive and send signals to the source. If you destroy them they can still think for themselves but they can't recieve or send information to the Source. so the horns are the first target and the tendrils are the second.
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